The Corona Diaries. Mother’s Day Edition.
Sunday, May 10, 2020, 10:45 AM
Written while eating a chocolate chip cookie (breakfast) and sipping a Cappuccino. (My third)
Edited at 9:05 while enjoying a glass of Chardonnay
I’ve been wanting to write about Mother’s Day for a few days, but every time I sit down with paper and pen in hand or try to type something on the keyboard I hit a brick wall. The words just aren’t coming. Writing typically comes so easily to me, but this pandemic has shaken me to the core, rendering me quite paralyzed, at least when it comes to expressing myself through the written word. For two months now, we’ve been sheltering in place – this should be enough time to draft up a novel, let alone a simple piece on Mother’s Day to share some of my thoughts.
I salute mothers everywhere – I honor all those who came before us, nurtured, mentored and inspired us. I offer my sympathies and condolences to those who are no longer with us, to those whose children are no longer with us, and to those currently fighting for their lives, trying to beat this dreadful coronavirus.
Most of all, I’d like to give recognition and extra praise to all those mothers on the front lines of this pandemic who are unable to be home celebrating with their own families while they work so hard to protect us, putting their own lives at risk each and every day.
Last, and certainly not least, I want to celebrate the single mom. I want to honor all the single mothers who are all too often left behind in the shadows, who carry the weight of the world on their shoulders. The single mom never gets the recognition she truly deserves, especially now, in these extraordinary times. Single mothers need to be recognized and praised. For millions of single mothers around the world there is no Mother’s Day.
I am writing about this because I get it. Because I too am deep in the trenches and know how hard it is, how thankless it can be, and just how lonely it is.
I will speak collectively for all the single mothers out there persevering and putting on their brave faces. In these extraordinary times, it’s even harder to pull up our cement bootstraps and march forward, to wear those smiles and pretend that everything is going to be Ok. We hope it will be, but no one knows for certain, do they?
We can’t expect our children to understand, even the older ones. I don’t think we really want them to either. They have their own worries and concerns and they certainly don’t need ours. What our children do need is our understanding and a sense of security. Our children need us, more than ever, to be their shelter from the storm. And so we put on our brave faces and we smile even though we feel like crying.
This year I celebrate my 22nd year as a mother and my ninth as a single mother. With all these years of experiences I think I can safely say that I know a thing or two about being a mother, especially a single mother – the joys, the challenges and the heart aches that come along with the job.
More than ever motherhood is taking its toll on us all and as a result Mother’s Day is particularly difficult this year.
For the single mother this day is not about presents, cards, jewelry or fancy brunches. We don’t expect any of that. We might like to spend some time with our children, away from their screens. We might like a day without bickering. We might like to see them clean their rooms or make their beds without being asked, and maybe clean a dish or two or help with the laundry. More than anything, though, we would like a heartfelt thank you. We have long ago learned to manage our expectations. We expect nothing, and anything that may come our way is an unexpected and welcome surprise.
Like all mothers we are tired, but single mothers are exhausted. Our stress levels are unrivaled. We are focused on our kids’ health and learning and sanity, all the while trying to keep ours in check. Many of us are currently experiencing reduced incomes or trying to figure out how to survive on no income at all. We don’t have the much needed emotional support or words of encouragement from significant others. We are fiercely focused on maintaining some semblance of normalcy and comfort. We are fiercely focused on protecting our children. But who will protect us? Who will comfort and care for us?
Mother’s Day has always been a struggle for me. It’s challenging and bittersweet. Mother’s Day brings up memories of better days long gone while reminding us how alone many of us are. I will, like so many other mothers, take to Facebook and scroll through the pages filled with images of happy families, glorious bouquets, beautiful table settings, sumptuously prepared meals – some homemade, others from local restaurants. We will see images of pastel Hallmark greeting cards with touching handwritten notes, along with boxes elegantly tied up in brightly colored bows. I will scroll past images of beautiful, lavish gifts and I will smile and truly be happy for all these moms.
Single mothers won’t be getting gifts and, for the most part, single mothers won’t be getting any breaks this year, many won’t even get any recognition. There will be meals to make, dishes to wash, beds to make and copious amounts of laundry to tackle. For us life continues as usual despite the fact that life is anything but this year.
I chose not to share this on Mother’s Day as I didn’t want to draw attention away from those mothers who were enjoying their day with their families. I didn’t write this for pity or sympathy. I didn’t write it to draw attention to myself, but rather to be a voice for others who may indeed need some attention.
If you know a single mother please reach out to her. Please let her know that you’re there. Please offer up some help, in any way, if you are able to do so at a safe distance. Most likely she’ll turn down your request, but your gesture will be appreciated more than you will ever know.
We are all in this together… except for those of us who are not. Single motherhood is incredibly lonely in the most ordinary of times, never mind the most extraordinary ones.
