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| Mother and Child, @ 2006 |
Truth be told, and please don't jump on me for my honesty, is that Mother's Day has always left me at least a little bit disappointed. I have never had a Mother's Day go without some sort of glitch or hitch. I suspect no mother has. It's par for the course, really. Fathers rush around - at the very last possible moment - to ensure there are fresh flowers on the table and cards made by the children when they are old enough to do so. Otherwise a trip the the card, grocery or drugstore is made to pick up something wonderfully sentimental by Hallmark. Breakfast is made, or purchased, and set up by Father on the kitchen or dining room table. Until the kids are old enough. When the latter is the case there is a wonderfully home made fruit salad or cereal or perhaps a perfectly cooked omelet that is a tad too salty (shhh!) that has been painfully created and delivered to you while still in bed. This is the part of Mother's Day that I adore!
I am really looking forward to today. The weather outside is spectacular. The birds are signing sweetly in the newly green trees outside my window and the sun is in her glory today. My 10 year old has a soccer game at 2:00 and I'm thinking of taking the kids out for an early dinner somewhere... somewhere nice with outside seating that won't break my bank account.
My kids are older now. They are 12, 10 and 5. They are old enough to appreciate the importance of the day... the importance of giving Mommy a little time to rest. I do not expect the day to go without a hitch. I do not expect them to be perfect. I do not expect them to get through a day without fighting. I have never expected any of these. They are, after all, still children. But I believe, especially my older two, understand all that I do around the house and for them. I do believe that the kids appreciate all that I do around the house and for them. The youngest, maybe not so much. But this is to be expected. And it is OK.
Yesterday in the car as I was taking my middle child to a Birthday party, the three were planning something. I was singing (badly) along to a song on the radio. I had pretty much tuned them out when I heard Rebecca shriek. She was upset that Alexander had mentioned something about making fruit salad in the morning. They were planning for me. Alexander was getting caught up in the excitement. I thought it was wonderful.
In the past my children have been babies. Babies don't know Mother's Day. For them it's no different from any other day. So they scream and have their tantrums and they get sick. They are not independent, self reliant and certainly not able to be helpful! As much as father's do try, it's always the mother the little ones want. Mother's Day filled with screams and whines when Daddy tries to let Mommy have a few moments of peace and quiet. We are instructed to go relax in a nice warm tub. But a shrieking babies do not make for relaxing soaks! One Mother's Day the children's father had to leave me to watch my children as he had to pick up his grandmother from the airport. He hated to have to do it. I could see the pain in his eyes. It was not his fault, of course, I knew it and told him so. We've always spent our Mother's Day with extended family. When the children were younger this meant I had to jump from the table to soothe whichever child was crying and upset and ended up watching all the other children. This happened for many, many years. I started to, for a few years, loathe Mother's Day. The particular day made me, well, sort of angry and upset. And for many years it was a day that marked more work and less rest than any other day of the year...
By the time my older two were old enough to let me appreciate a nice, quiet and relaxing sunny Sunday, we had to ruin everything and have a third child! (Just kidding, really!)
But this may be the year. This may be the year that I get my Mother's Day. It will be different from other Mother's Days but that's not necessarily a bad thing. This afternoon I will have the children to myself. We'll clean up after soccer and do something nice in the afternoon. Just the four of us. Rebecca will take on the role as the mother, as the oldest and only girl, she is so apt (and willing!) to do.
My mother never believed in Mother's Day. She would tell me and insist that every day is Mother's Day. Other than a bouquet of flowers that I picked out and Daddy paid for, we never really did much to celebrate.
But as soon as my first was born I understood the significance of such a day. I loved the idea of a day dedicated to me. I loved the idea of a day that recognized the appreciation of me and all that I did. And more so now as my children have multiplied and gotten older.
For the past 12 years, and I suspect until my youngest leaves the house, I have and will continue to do everything I do for the children. I am their mother. It is my obligation. Their needs come before my own. It is my obligation. I mother and worry around the clock. Motherhood is a job that knows no end and no rest. Unless you force yourself to get some rest. By rest, I do not mean sleep, though I certainly wish that was the case! But by rest I mean breaks. It is important that I take time to myself. Lately this means getting up very early in the morning. Sometimes it means taking a long bath. And from time to time it means getting together with friends for dinner or drinks. I try to get to the gym 5 days a week. This is more of a necessity than a luxury. I force myself to get there. I feel better in the end. Worries have been washed away, and I am robed with a new and revitalized energy. I am prepared for the day ahead and all that comes with it. I have learned, over the years, but this past year especially, that I really do need to make time, even if just 20 minutes, every day. A happier and healthier mother is a much more relaxed and effective mother.
So to you, to me, to all the wonderful mothers out there, Happy Mother's Day! XOXO
PS. Daughter just declared that there should be a Daughter's Day to which I declared every day is Daughter's Day! It's OK to tell her to vacuum and mop the kitchen floor today, isn't it?