My Pink & Green Autumn...

This tree stands outside my bedroom window. I meant to take a picture of it with all the leaves still on it, but I was a day too late. I love looking out at that red barn. It makes me happy. It belongs to our neighbor, a retired orthopedic surgeon... we have no idea what's in there. I do know he has some grapes... I think he should turn it into a little winery... I've told him as much. I covet his house. I'll try to get a picture of it. I want to move there when I retire!





I don't know what these bushes are but they are gorgeous! I've never seen pink in the fall before! Our whole cul-de-sac is lined with these beautiful bushes. Tomorrow I'll get my shears and cut a few so I can enjoy them indoors!





This bright red maple tree belongs to another neighbor. The red is outstanding!



Here the trees (a town away) are only just starting to turn...




And another reason I love the fall! Starbucks' Thanksgiving Blend is out! Just one more month before my favorite Christmas Blend hits the shelves. (My nighttime and morning beverages!)

And... I even saw a Red Cup this morning! I'll have to go tomorrow to see if it's really true! Oh I love this time of year... the cooler temperatures... the heavy sweaters... the fires in the fireplace... the red cups... the falling leaves... and the holidays!!!

It's a busy time of year but I love it so!!

all kidding aside...

My blog is a bit unique... It's a miche-mache of sorts... not fully this or that. It's a little bit decor, a little bit humor, a little bit style, a little bit preppy... it's a little bit about my family... it's a little bit funny... it's all about me. I do not hide anything. It's as WYSIWYG without causing anyone embarrassment. I lay it out there, sometimes honestly to a fault. But it's me. And that's what I always hope to reveal.

I was home this afternoon procrastinating a little. I had gone to Starbucks to pick up coffee, to Trader Joe's and to the Benjamin Moore store to get some color samples. I put away some laundry. Tidied up. Cleaned the bathrooms. And I was procrastinating because I have some big projects to tackle. Then the phone rang so I answered it. It was a number I didn't recognize. The voice on the other end asked for me, then introduced herself as "Jan, from Dr. Molinelli's office." Dr. Molinelli is my obgyn. I had no idea why they were calling. I was not really paying attention as I sat down in front of my computer. As I was opening an email I heard the words mammogram, left breast, abnormality, and was told I had an appointment at Greenwich Hospital at Thursday at 1:30.

I thought for a second, digesting all the words that were ringing in my ears. And said to the nurse on the phone, ah yes, "we were just checking the lump that seemed a bit larger." I have a benign lump in my right breast that we have been monitoring for 10 years. I was sent home after the last mammogram because it seemed fine. And then it hit me, she said left breast. Not the right breast. I have never had issues with that side.

I had my first baseline mammogram when I was 30. I have large, dense and fibrous breasts and my doctor wanted to get a baseline at a young age while I was healthy. It was then they saw the spot on my right breast. I remember the phone call. Much like yesterday's phone call. I remember driving back to Greenwich for an ultrasound. Rebecca was newly born. I was sure I was going to leave her motherless. I drove to Greenwich in tears. The 20 minute drive felt like an eternity. Eventually I was given the all-clear and sent on my way. I've had mammograms almost yearly (with the exception of my pregnancies) since then.

But this time we are talking about the other breast. There has never been an issue with that one. Now I have an abnormality. It could be nothing. I was assured this by the nurse. It could be some overlapping fibrous tissue. I keep trying to tell myself that this is exactly what it is. I'm sure there is a good explanation. And yet, I cannot help but worry. It's normal isn't it? Natural for one's mind to play tricks and imagine the worst case scenarios?

I applaud the breast center and my doctor for scheduling an appointment for me so quickly. The appointment was set up before the phone call. Saves me a step. All I have to do now is show up. I should be thrilled that I have just one day to worry. I think the not knowing is the worst. I am terrible with the unknown. I'll keep myself distracted tomorrow. I have plenty on my plate.

It's the night times that are the toughest. The dark and the quiet are not kind to the fearful minds. I think bad thoughts and I try to banish them. It really is nothing, I tell myself. We're all being cautious... careful... proactive... my stomach is in knots (and the wine hasn't helped!) and I know it shouldn't be. And yet, I cannot help but wonder why the rush?

In the back of my mind I cannot help but think of the two young lives lost these past couple of weeks... friends who have lost friends to breast cancer. And another friend who just learned that a former co-worker is fighting a big fight now... the breast cancer has metastasized into her bones... Again I banish these thoughts. It's nothing. It's nothing. It's nothing. And I look at that word I have just typed. I haven't said it, haven't even dared to think it and there it is all 6 scary letters on the page...

And I really don't want to have a mammogram. Because it sucked. Because it hurt like hell. Because some body parts shouldn't be squished and stretched to ridiculous lengths. (Birthing doesn't count. You get a fab gift after the push and the pain!) I'm being a big baby. I know I am. I asked if I could have a sonogram instead. I was told that I couldn't. The mammogram would be needed, then possibly a sonogram after that.

So there it is. Other than my husband I have told no one but a few close friends via email that do not live near me. I haven't told anyone here yet. I'm not sure I want to speak the words. Writing, for me, has always come more easily. It's cathartic... soothing. So here I am, exposing myself, and my breasts, to hundreds of people I have never met before. But I have chosen this outlet, this venue, for a reason... Many of you have become fast friends... I consider many of you to be good friends... we share laughs and emails and common interests and passions. So I thank you, for reading this and understanding and being there. Being here for me. You see, while I know that I am most likely fine, I can't help but feel a little bit scared.

I'll be there for a while on Thursday. I'll leave a little early... extra time run into the Starbucks on Greenwich Avenue. I'll treat myself to a PSL before-hand to soothe my nerves... I might even treat myself to the whipped cream. I'll be a big girl. I'll suck it up. I'll wear my big girl panties. But I won't wear wet jeans!

The Cursing Mommy Has a Drink and Takes a Break

The Setting:
Starbucks on a beautifully crisp and clear September morning

The Cast:
EntertainingMom, aka The Cursing Mommy and various walk-ons

The Purpose:
To achieve a moment of calm and enjoy my date with Mr. P.S. Latte

Cool Music blares through the speakers... conversations buzz all around. To my right a young couple discusses a young woman's recent decision to quit her job. Directly in front of me two men are working at their computer, writing, composing, discussing. To my left, seated at the table next to the window, two gentlemen in their Sixties converse. They seem to be old friends, or good friends at least.

Through the window directly behind me a ladder is being moved. Repair work is being done to the store front. Cars pull in and out of the parking lot. At the counter an older man in a brown fedora is fixing his coffee, adding cream and sugar perhaps. He wanders over to an empty table, sits down, opens his brown bag and pulls out a pastry to go with his coffee. He then reaches over to look at The New York Times. He seems rather distinguished to me. Very educated. Could be a retired professor or lawyer. I then notice that he is wearing dark socks and brown sandals. I see there is a hole in his sock, right on his big toe.

I love to people watch and have since I was a young child. After all, there is no better city in the world to people watch than New York. We had it all there! There are so many stories to be told by watching people. It's the writer in me. Or perhaps the nosy neighbor in me.

Starbucks is bustling this morning and I enjoy watching it all as I sip my Pumpkin Spice Latte. I have come here alone, just me and m notebook. It's a small Vera Bradley one filled with lined pages. I never go anywhere without my notebook. I like the solitude of being by myself and yet I am in no way alone or lonely. Just peaceful. And content.

A worker comes in. He's dressed in grey jeans and grey T-shirt. His long dark hair is pulled back into a pony tail. He looks over, catches my eye and smiles. He keeps looking over, trying to catch my eye. (Ewwwww!!!!) I do not want to look at him but I am dying to see what his shirt says. I am not wearing my glasses at the moment.

Suddenly there's a line again. The same line has waxed and waned all morning. There are a couple of young mothers in baseball caps with their hair tossed back. And a dude who looks like Kojak, but not in an unattractive way. And another one who looks like he says "Yo!" a lot. He's short and stout and wearing a charcoal grey suit. He's got salt and pepper hair, and I think his name should be Anthony. Anthony must reside in Brooklyn. Possibly Joi-zee. Possibly Staten Island. A pregnant young woman and a young woman with a toddler have just joined the line. The young mother has on a tank top. The thought of this makes me cold. And a girl who looks like my friend Amy with a Godawful haircut walks in. Gosh, I do hope it is not her. I can't see clearly. I try not to stare. In the end I make out that is not her.

It's hopping in Starbucks this morning. The constant whir and hum and buzz... the ice crushing, milk steaming, chitter-chatter and music are at once energizing and soothing.

As I sit here in the corner in the over-sized olive green chair I think to myself, while Willie Nelson croons, that I am exactly where I want to be. I have waited all summer, plus two weeks to be here and boy does it feel good!

I'm down a couple of pounds, the only positive side effect of being sick. I tell myself that it is Okay to enjoy my Pumpkin Spice Latte. Still, I order a Grande 1% No Whip.

The older men leave and give each other firm and gentlemanly pats on each other's backs.

I've completely lost track of time. And that is how it should be. Sweet Baby James is now crooning softly in my ears. I am certainly not rushing out now.

I notice all the girls in their tank tops. We're a good bit cooler than we should be this time of year. I'm dressed more appropriately. I decided to wear my "loud" JCrew pants I bought a while back with a white T-shirt and my long, black cashmere ruffled sweater (think Shere coat in black). It's my favorite sweater and is the perfect thing to wear in this weather. Perfect for my Perfect Drink.

I have so much that I need to do. My laundry list of items is growing longer by the minute. Due to all our ailments and illnesses I have fallen quite behind. But I am not going to tackle any of that today. Any at all. Except for my trip to the grocery store, you see. I've got the perfect recipe for the Perfect Pink Fall Drink!

of books and lattes...

So I seriously wonder what's going to happen tomorrow -- what's going to go wrong because today was such a spectacular day. And when this happens, I can be sure that the next one will be a doozie. But I will think happy thoughts to make sure this doesn't happen...

I woke up to more grey skies. I had to find something appropriate to wear on my "date!" I wanted to look good as I was actually stepping foot out in public, but wanted to be comfortable and dress appropriately for the cool, overcast weather. I settled on a black long-sleeved T shirt from Banana Republic. (I've you've never bought Tshirts from Banana before do. They are wonderful!) A long black cashmere cardigan and soft white jeans. I tossed my not-so-clean hair in a pony tail, threw on some pearl earrings and my favorite shoes, a pair of leopard print mules worn and loved so much they are starting to wear a little too thin. I need to find a good cobbler. I simply cannot toss a good pair of shoes aside. Not my favorites. I am too sentimentally attached to them. They will come to my grave... and I digress...

As I was getting the kids' breakfast ready (warm oatmeal, not instant) the sun started to poke through. I could tell it was going to be a glorious day after all. After I got the kids to school I headed to meet KK at Starbucks. I got there about 5 minutes earlier to scout out the good real estate (aka the good, comfy seats) placed my bag there and proceeded to order my grande cappuccino.

She walked in and it was like looking at an older version of Pinkie and Miss Priss. Wow! We hit it off immediately and did not stop gibberjabbering until about 2 hours later when I head to head off to pick up Alexander from preschool. We talked about everything under the sun. We talked about New England and Connecticut and The South. We talked about our kids and our spouses and our homes and we talked about our blogs and our blogging friends, at yes, we talked about you Semi-Slacker! We talked and we talked and we talked and we learned that we had so much in common. It was so neat to meet KK and I'm sure we'll get together again in the very near future and talk about y'all again. (Look, her accent has worn off on me!)

I brought my camera as I always do. I am SUCH a dork and asked a lovely young lady if she would mind taking our picture...

It's cute, isn't it!!!

I was a little late in getting to school to pick up Alexander. But I wasn't the only one. We went to Target to pick up some jelly beans for his class, and I picked up a few non-exciting items for home... hand soaps for downstairs bathrooms and kitchen, bubble bath, dishwasher detergent, sugar, 3 dozen eggs (for .99 a dozen!) and a a bag of Dove chocolate eggs. I really wanted to pick up another dozen or so plastic eggs since most of ours have mysteriously disappeared but there were none. NONE. How crazy is that? How ridiculous is that? There were Star Wars eggs and Bionicle Eggs and these eggs and those eggs but I didn't want them. All I wanted were the regular plain ol' plastic eggs. Arghhh... and I still have nothing for my Easter Baskets save the for bag of Dove eggs because Daddy said I had to have some chocolate in their baskets... So we'll have an egg hunt but instead of the plastic eggs I'll use the real eggs that we colored and we won't find them all and then we'll attract even more wildlife as they smell the wonderful aroma of rotting ova... lovely... Just lovely...

Somehow while at Target I was suckered into buying Alexander a Tonka fire truck. A plastic $5 doodad that makes noise and rolls. No biggie but he does this all the time! When we got back he played with his new truck and then he had a bath. Because he needed one and wanted one and what else do you do smack dab in the middle of the day? This was followed by lunch which was followed by a trip back to school to get the other two, which was side-tracked by Rebecca's girl scout meeting that I had completely forgotten about so I let the boys play in the playground after school and at that point the sun had left and nothing was left but clouds and grey sky and I was not dressed appropriately and I was cursing myself for forgetting both the meeting and my coat!

Finally we got back home and I got the kids settled with their homework and dinner and pajamas and cleaned the dining room and living room. I even had time for a bath with my tea and my book. Dinner was coming to me! My book club was coming to me! How lovely... like a catered affair!

My friend Susan came with her green leCreuset pot filled with French Onion soup and a baguette of crusty bread and shredded Gruyere and a mache salad with cranberries and goat cheese and these wonderful little French patisseries!

We talked a good bit about the book and all agreed that this was by far the best book we had all read in a year, maybe even two. We talked about the author and the characters and the illness at length -- for us! We then talked about all the other stuff that we love to talk about... marriage and friends and children and life and food and aging and pregnancy and our children growing up and how it happens so quickly and how boys are vastly different from girls and and which child is the peacemaker and which is the comedian and which one is the drama star... we talked about friends and acquaintances and restaurants and food and about other books and both those we want to read and those we read in the past and we talked about broken computers and we talked about our parents and our siblings and time off and father parenting versus mother parenting and as usual our conversation was fluid and seamless and fascinating. We ate and talked and drank and ate and talked and drank. We never even made it in to the dining room. We were all seated around the coffee table, Japanese style and I thought it would be more fun to eat dinner that way, on the floor, casually. And everyone agreed. It was fun and cozy. And only something you can do with your close girlfriends.

The kids were good, very good, I have to admit. The older two took turns between watching television and playing on the computer. Alexander hung out with us and ate French food. At 9:00 I sent the troops upstairs and they did not argue or bat an eye. They got ready for bed as they were told. Rebecca even out Alexander to bed and by the time I came up to tuck them all in and kiss them all goodnight he was fast asleep!

I'm going on a blind date!

Yep, you read that right! I'm happily married and have been for nearly 12 years and I am going on a blind date next Tuesday. I am giddy with excitement. I don't know what to wear? Should I wear my hair up or down? Dress casual in a pair of jeans and cute cardi or put on something nicer? If it's warm enough I could wear a cute skirt! Maybe even don a pair of flip-flops... this would require a major pedicure! We're meeting at Starbucks next Tuesday while the younger kiddos are in school. I haven't told Daddy yet...

...but I am sure I will have his blessing! My date's not with a man but a woman! Gasp! Yes, it's true AND she's a fellow blogger! I have never met a blogger before... well, a blogger that I haven't known first. This is so exciting! I can't wait! Many of my friends know I blog and many read my blogs... (I am fairly selective in whom I tell) but they themselves do not blog. KK from Pink, Green & Southern and I are meeting at Starbucks next week. I'm going to get there a little early to claim some good real estate (ie. the comfy chairs!)

I was bored one night and everyone was asleep and so I had nothing better to do than blog hop. I came across her blog through someone else's ... and the rest is history. Over the past few months we saw that we had things in common and then we discovered that we were practically neighbors living just a town apart!

I can't wait to meet KK and I will keep you all posted on how our "date" goes and what I end up wearing!