Truth be told I hate St. Patty's Day. I think it stemmed from my youth and growing up in Manhattan and seeing and smelling all the drunken Irish fools tripping all over themselves after the parade had long ended. Those ruddy-nosed, beer-smelling obnoxiously drunk partiers spilled out into the city from the bars once The Parade was over. And I am not Irish. Not even a little bit. And I don't see why I would want to pretend to be one. And green is pretty, just not with my complexion. And green milk and green beer repulse me. The smell of cooked cabbage makes me want to hurl. Corned beef is too greasy. I'm English and Russian and Scottish. No Irish. Not a drop. I do not believe in Leprechauns. The idea of them terrifies me. The closest I ever came to being Irish were our Irish dogs. My grandmother and mother had them. They were Kerry Blue Terriers and they all donned Irish names... Ballyhoo, Tipperary, Shamrock, Limerick... they were wonderful dogs (except for Tipper with a nasty temper) and they were my best friends.
I feel badly for my kids that I am such a St. Patty's Debbie Downer. Obviously I was really scarred by those drunken idiots stumbling up and down Madison and Fifth Avenues...
My kids should have fun today. They would if they were in school. They should be at my friend Marie's House. But Marie is full-blown Irish. She's as Irish as they come. Beneath her Massachusetts accent I can hear the trappings of a brogue!
She makes St. Patty's Day fun. I am sure I would love the holiday if I had grown up with her. Despite the fact I am 0% Irish. She plays lots of fun tricks on her kids and she gets to blame it on the leprechauns! So these little leprechauns come and they move the furniture around, and they hide gold coins and they play all sorts of pranks. This year they'll even turn the toilet water green. How fun is that? My kids would love that! I can't wait to hear about all the tricks she has up her sleeve today!
Maybe I will celebrate after all. Maybe we'll head on over to McDonald's later on and get ourselves a Shamrock shake... One has to start somewhere!
I feel badly for my kids that I am such a St. Patty's Debbie Downer. Obviously I was really scarred by those drunken idiots stumbling up and down Madison and Fifth Avenues...
My kids should have fun today. They would if they were in school. They should be at my friend Marie's House. But Marie is full-blown Irish. She's as Irish as they come. Beneath her Massachusetts accent I can hear the trappings of a brogue!
She makes St. Patty's Day fun. I am sure I would love the holiday if I had grown up with her. Despite the fact I am 0% Irish. She plays lots of fun tricks on her kids and she gets to blame it on the leprechauns! So these little leprechauns come and they move the furniture around, and they hide gold coins and they play all sorts of pranks. This year they'll even turn the toilet water green. How fun is that? My kids would love that! I can't wait to hear about all the tricks she has up her sleeve today!
Maybe I will celebrate after all. Maybe we'll head on over to McDonald's later on and get ourselves a Shamrock shake... One has to start somewhere!