i miss my mommy...

 more flowers... yes, those are the lilly animal crackers that were on my bed yesterday. a certain little somebody absconded with them! today he peeked his little head inside and declared, mystified, that they were all gone! i had only had 3 of them...

i have flowers in almost every room of the house now!!

when you're little you want your mother by your side when you don't feel well. just having her around makes you feel better. it's been years since i've had my mother by my side when i was sick. luckily, i was never sick very often as a child. when i was, she would sing to me and read to me and let me suck on lollipops and crawl into her bed and let me watch tv in there. when you go off to boarding school and college your mother can't really come to your side when you are sick. then you move off and get an apartment somewhere with your girlfriends... then somewhere down the road you get married. then you become the mother and you get to take care of your sick kids and as much as your children want desperately to take care of you, you don't want them around. you don't want them around because you want and need the peace and quiet and because you don't want to get them sick.

you've been parenting for a long time, over 11 years now, and never in a million years would you imagine needing or wanting your mother to come and take care of you. after all, when was the last time someone really took care of you? so you're not really sure how to react when your mother offers to drive down to help out with the kids and take care of you. it's almost comical, really, as your mother has never parented more but one child at a time, was never a stay at home mother, but a very successful career woman. you wonder how this will work. you roll your eyes a little and laugh a little at all the potential scenarios.

5pm evening before the operation your mother arrives with a small back suitcase in tow. you help her to her room (in a 4500 sq ft house we have no guest room) which is really alexander's that he has graciously cleaned and cleared and moved out of so that he can slumber with his big brother for a few nights. he is delirious with excitement at this proposal.

your mother gets settled and asks for a glass of wine. you pour her a pinot grigio you have come to favor and you get to chit chat without the distraction of children, although they are around, as your mother knows you are not going to be up for it after tomorrow. you enjoy the wine and the conversation.

you're pretty certain that your mother will stay a couple of nights and then you'll send her on her way. she has planned better and packed plenty of underwear.

monday comes and goes and you have made it through surgery fairly unscathed. you are bruised and tattered and torn. the meds help alleviate the pain but bring on terrible nausea and other symptoms. you realize you have probably over-medicated yourself as your dose is the same as a 6ft tall 190 pound man. terrified of pain and not used to meds you take the not so little white pills until an over-drugged feeling comes over you. you panic and get a little scared but then when you throw up (again) you feel better. you learn to stick with the strong stuff only for night time. 800 mgs of motrin will help in the day time. along with your ice machine. you ache and you have no appetite and all you want to do is sleep. your mother checks on you around the clock and cooks for your family and cleans (lightly) and runs errands and reads to alexander's class because he is star of the week and it kills you that you cannot get in to watch him shine. but your mother takes the reigns and brings in his sign and toostie pops one day as a special treat, and cuts up watermelon for another special treat because the letter of the week is "w" and we have to bring in our letter of the week on fridays. she buys you flowers too. your mother picks the kids up from school and lets them play on the playground. and she packs snacks and helps with homework. she gets them up in the morning and makes their breakfasts... all while taking care of you.

the week is over and i finally feel like there will be an end to the pain. i am still forced to stay in a sling for the next 2.5 weeks and i am very limited in what i can do. i was given the go ahead to take my arm out of the sling for short periods of time. hallelujah!!! it'll be a long recovery, but today, finally, i got out of the house and went to school briefly where i helped oversee an auction project. it was wonderful to see everyone and everyone seemed so concerned and caring and they have set up a food chain for next week and meals will be delivered so i won't have to lift a finger... or an arm... my girlfriends have been so supportive and lovely sending me wonderful flowers and gifts and magazines and lotions... I feel truly blessed. from school my friend lynne took me to the doctor's to get a new, smaller sling. only i didn't need a new smaller one... i just needed to learn how to put it on properly! it was wonderful to get out and see the flowers and trees in bloom and smell that wonderful fresh air. i was sore when i got back. i knew i would be but it was so incredibly worth it!

my mother left this morning. i sent her home to catch up on her sleep and everything she needs to do in her life... and then the husband gets overwhelmed by the children and the kids start fighting and they get hungry and thirsty and i have to get up several times to get alexander out of his big brother's hair and normal life resumes... i'm not ready for it to. i want my mommy back...

my shoulder looks good... the swelling has gone down but egads... the bruising is awful! i thought it was the betadine but it wouldn't wash off!

4 days after SLAP surgery and bankart lesion repair...

look at the bruising!!!! Ewww!!!

purple bruise by sutures too... they come out next friday!