More Fashion Faux Pas (Unleashing my Inner Bitch!)

It amazes me that people dress they way they do. Especially in this day and age. Especially in fairly cosmopolitan areas. Remember I wrote a similar post a while back? I was in Disney and was appalled that a person the size of Shamu would dare wear an outfit with teeny tiny little whales all over it? I also mentioned that men should not (nor should boys) wear black socks with their sneakers. It is wrong. Very, very wrong. And while I prefer the no sock look myself (especially with a nice loafer!) I get that socks should be worn by most with athletic shoes. Then please wear white tennis socks. (Anyone remember tube socks and track shorts? I thought I was sooo cool in them and my Stan Smiths!)

Black socks are not only wrong with sneakers, they are wrong with sandals. Yes folks! I spied with my two eyes a woman (a woman!) who was no older than her mid thirties wearing black socks under her black thong sandals. It was just so wrong! I understand that you were bringing your young child to an indoor play space. I get it. I was there too... but I didn't wear socks with my sandals! At the play space I took off my sandals, and Rebecca's and Alexander's and we all put our socks on. It wasn't that difficult. And when we were done, we all took the socks off and put our shoes back on. That's how it's done. At least in my little world!

And please, if you have ever birthed children, if you have ever nursed children, please wear a bra especially when you are wearing a halter style sundress. I don't care if you are a small B Cup. When you wear a halter style dress the little halter part is to actually fit over your little boobies. It looks really strange to see your little droopy boobies hanging below the halter part. Really weird. Not that I was looking or anything. But I was... I couldn't help but notice. Especially when you are also wearing black socks with your fucking black thong sandals... We're not camping in the Adirondack Mountains in 1975! It couldn't have been right back then and it is wrong now.

As are leg warmers. In Stop & Shop. In the middle of July. And anything too tight. Buy what fits not the size you wish you were. Unless you happen to have a good pair of Spanx. A 14 can never fit into a 4. (In a good pair of Spanx a 14 might get into and look good in a 10.) Demin overalls. Unless you are under the age of 3 or a painter please don't wear overalls. Undershirts are meant to be worn in just that manner. Under shirts. Please be advised.

Which brings me to the mullet. The only people who are allowed to wear these things are those who catch Alligators in the Bayou. With jobs like that, let 'em keep their mullets. And heck, even their tank tops too... and denim shorts if they must. But no one else should wear these. No one. Unless you happen to be starring in My Name is Earl. Which is ridiculously stupid. But my husband thinks is funny.

Which leads me to another show, one with a certain bitchy mother and a certain galavanting father with 8 children. I think you know the program about those absolutely adorable children! I wonderf who dresses them? Seriously! They are always so put together and they have the cutest clothes. Do you think companies like The Gap and Gymboree endorse them or send them clothes?

I ask because with all her new found fame and fortune Mamma needs a little bit of help in the fashion department, don't you think? I'm not bashing the tacky leather jackets and mini skirts... I'm not, but did you hear the latest?

I heard a rumor! I'll have to check with the folks at Perez Hilton to be sure. But...

Katie Couric, the Anchor for CBS Nightly News has disclosed who she will be dressing up as for Halloween this year and...

I think you'll find the similarities quite uncanny....
a cropped leather jacket from Aldo
a little Dippity Doo
and she'll be a perfect
You Know Who!

And lastly, I heard this from Brian Williams, so it has to be true...

From here on in when you visit the Queen you will no longer have to bid farewell while walking out of the room backwards. This age old tradition is being put to bed. It was established Once Upon A Time so that no one would turn their back on The Queen, but now they worry about the hazards of walking away from Her Majesty backwards. Too many carpets to trip over and sharp corners on furniture, I guess. I wonder how many injuries have actually resulted due to this? Are people less coordinated today than they were 100, 200 even 300 years ago? Frankly I am rather surprised that HRH, The Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II cannot afford a little Tacky Stuff to place under the corners of these offensive expensive rugs to ensure that people not trip and injure all themselves. Should we send her some of those squishy bumper things they use to baby proof corners? Can you imagine those hideous beigy pleather foam-filled atrocities all over her gorgeous antiques? I wonder how many of those would actually be needed at Buckingham Palace?

Well, now that I no longer have to worry about risk of injury (because you all know what a clutz I am) I guess I can go ahead and book my flight across The Pond!

TallyHo and Cheerio!